My story: A Summary
I grew up without a masculine role model to look up to. This led to quite a few complications whenever I ran into problems.
However, with enough perseverance, I found a way through and learned a lot along the way. Now, I want to share that knowledge with you.
My story: How I got here
My life so far has been a series of ups and downs. Recently, it's smoothed out to be more ups than downs, but that doesn't change the facts. Just like many others, I've faced challenges in my life. And, just like many men these days, I went through them without a masculine role model I could rely on to answer my questions.
Here, I'll share with you three key moments in my life that shaped who I am today. Three moments when I faced a challenge and had to find a way out.
Key Moment #1: Emotional Control
Back on November 29, 2008, I lost my ability to walk. I remember the date, but not the event itself. So when I woke up one day in a hospital bed, hooked up to a heart monitor and surrounded by unfamiliar faces, you can imagine just how confused and terrified I was. I may have been eight years old, but I knew what a heart monitor was.
It was a lot to take in, and that was before I noticed that I couldn't feel my legs anymore. Once that hit, the floodgates were preparing to open wide. Until my parents came into view. That was enough to forestall it.
Because as they got closer, I noticed my mom's expression change to pained relief. Then I noticed tears. I was so confused and couldn't speak because of the oxygen mask on my face, so I turned to my dad and he told me that my older brother and one of my younger brothers had passed away.
I had never been taught how to regulate or control my emotions at this point, so all I could do was let the emotions flow. And flow. And flow.
This would be the start of a pattern that would repeat for the remainder of my childhood years: I encounter a situation that I can't handle emotionally, the emotions get overwhelming, and I let them flow.
It took me a whole 11 years and six surgeries to figure out emotional regulation on my own. It was when I was in recovery from my last surgery in 2019 that I learned not to complain and to instead look toward the horizon.
Key Moment #2: Negative Progress
All men want to be good with girls. The question is, how? What must a man do to be good with them? This was one of the questions I would ponder in high school when I wasn't busy with homework or band practice.
It didn't matter how much I pondered it, I couldn't figure it out. Couldn't find answers to the question of how to succeed, or at the very least, not embarrass myself. Did that stop me? Nope.
In grade 10, I would make my first attempt to succeed with women. I made an attempt to win over my crush. And as the word crush implies, my attempt was a failure. Surprisingly, I didn't feel all that bad afterward. No lingering sense of hatred or bitterness or anything else. Just relief. Relief that I made the attempt.
Unfortunately, I wouldn't learn anything from that moment. I never stopped to reflect and see where I went wrong and what I could've done better. And just like before, my lack of skill with women didn't stop me from going after the girls who caught my interest.
Next year, I'd go after a different girl, but I still got rejected. The year after that, another rejection. Then after graduating high school, I finally got into a relationship then got cheated on.
Even with all the game I had learned before my relationship, I still couldn't keep her interested. I was so confused as to what I did wrong. It was at this moment that I realized I needed to take a step back.
It took me a grand total of three rejections and getting cheated on to realize that I needed to change my approach and sharpen my skills. Not my brightest moment.
Since I had nobody to direct me on what I should do, I ended up finding myself in the red pill community where I ended up spending about a year of my life as another angry incel. It was an enlightening time, but one that I'd rather not repeat.
I ended up learning a lot from this period in my life, and after leaving the red pill community I wanted to start something new.
Key Moment #3: The importance of exercise
To fully explain this moment, we need to rewind a bit. Before I got cheated on, before I was even in a relationship, I faced a different problem. I had nothing to do in all my free time. Having just dropped out, I now had so much free time on my hands. What should I do with it?
Apparently, the answer was to play video games for hours on end. And so I did. I'd spend so much time playing video games in my free time that, eventually, I got burned out of it. This was something that I was surprised by considering how much I had always wanted to play video games in the past. I had always hated the weekends only rule my parents had enforced on video games.
And now, I was sick of them. Luckily, the answer was close. And by close, I mean a few meters away. When I was a young paraplegic, I had a therapist who gifted me these adjustable weights. I still use them even today.
On that day when I had become burnt out from video games, I looked over at those weights and said to myself, "Sure, why not?" And that's when I discovered my love for weightlifting.
Now that I had something else to do, I regained my desire to play video games. With all the free time I had, I was either researching exercise or nutrition, actually exercising, or playing video games. On top of that, I also picked up a few different pursuits.
I decided to do deeper research into mental health. I picked up journaling and reading. I discovered my fascination for philosophy, psychology, and human behavior. For the first time in my life, I had actual goals that I wanted to pursue.
And when it came time for my relationship to end, it was exercise and all these pursuits of mine that pulled me through. As depressed as I was, I didn't stop exercising, meditating, reading, or journaling. Even after leaving the red pill, these things continued to pull through and give me something of substance.
Never had I known that balance would make me feel so good about not only myself, but about life in general.
The lessons I learned
Even today, I continue to learn. The lessons I've learned from my key moments serve as the foundation I use for myself. Those lessons are:
- A man who cannot regulate his mental well-being is no better than a child
- A man with lackluster social skills limits his life unintentionally
- A man who is strong physically has the foundation to be strong mentally.
- A man incapable of reflection will be stuck forever
- A man is much more capable of accomplishing his goals if he has mentors
- A man without goals is a man without any potential.
It is my goal to teach these vital lessons to as many men as I can get across to. If you're reading this, that includes you.
Now, it's time for you to do the work. Get out there and I'll see you on the other side!