Despite the narrative that men are pragmatists and women romantics, the truth is often the opposite. We see this most often in men's pursuits of romance, often undertaking very impractical tasks to win over the target of their affections. Or, they get stuck in the idea that everyone and everything should work one way when it actually works another. Whether this be in religion, love, politics, or raising kids, most men don't stay rooted in reality rather than ideals and fantasy.

At first glance, this may not seem too bad, and it isn't. On one condition: society supports those ideals that have been taken on by these men.

On paper, this is a worthwhile way to establish a social order. In reality, it's a revolution just waiting to happen down the line.

As men, we need to tackle the world from a standpoint where we stay rooted in reality rather than ideals. Here are three mindset shifts you can adopt to help yourself with this.

1. If at third you don't succeed

Most people would agree that doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result is a waste of time. Yet many people still do this. They do the same thing, taking the same approach, wondering why the outcome hasn't changed. Doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result is indeed insanity. 

This isn't me trying to discourage you from trying. By all means, get out there and earn your bruises and scrapes.

However, there's a difference between battle scars and self-flagellation. Repeating the same methods, and running into the same mistakes, is self-flagellation.

This also isn't an encouragement for you to change methods the first time one doesn't work. That too is self-flagellation, just with the receipt of pain delayed.

To really set yourself within reality, you need to find the balance. Try enough times to get a solid base of evidence and experience, but not so many times that you needlessly repeat mistakes.

For this reason, it's important that you analyze your experiences in the areas you want to improve. Chances are, you're already doing some things right, you just need to iron out the rough edges.

However, you won't know either your strong points or rough edges if you don't go out there and get some experience.

2. What some may consider ridiculous research

How many people do you know who would laugh at the idea of someone learning how to become better at socializing, or paying a dating coach to improve their dating lives? These are things that, on paper, may be considered ridiculous to research or invest into, partially because these are things that the majority have little to no trouble with. If you're reading this, chances are you're either no longer part of that majority or are on your way out.

There's not too much to say for this one. To really become based in reality, you need to base your viewpoints on empirical data more than emotions.

Way too many people base their viewpoints on emotions, creating these toxic ideals that drag them, and everyone else who believes them, down to the bottom of the barrel. 

This creates the crabs in a bucket dynamic in society: when one tries to climb out, the others drag them back in. The others don't want you to leave their idealistic fantasy because that's one less person for them to share their misery with.

To obtain the empirical data you need to stay rooted in reality, you will need to research things that you may have never considered before or things that you may be mocked for.

For those who want to improve their social skills, they may need to read a book on social skill tips or take a course on being charismatic. 

For those wanting to become better at dating, their options are to either watch YouTube videos, take a course, or go through trial and error.

Whatever the "data" you need, you need to pick a method of acquiring it and utilizing it. If you don't utilize that data, you will stay stuck in the barrel.

3. You are the center of your experience and nothing else

The world doesn't revolve around you. No doubt you've heard that one before. Most people actually understand that. Most people understand that they are the center of their experience and nothing else, yet they still expect others to gravitate to their reality.

There's nothing wrong with having a certain viewpoint on reality. What is wrong is when you impose it on others and give them no chance to reject it.

Two key points to this.

First, regardless of whether they accept your reality or not, it is their decision to make and theirs alone. 

You have no sway over it. You may influence them, but in the end, they are still the ones making the choice, and they are making it for themselves.

Understanding this means you don't press others on an issue that they've already given a definitive no to. There is a difference between a definitive no and a pre-emptive no.

A definitive no is when you've tried after being told no, and are still met with a no. A pre-emptive no is the first no you get.

An easy way to know if that first one is a definitive one is if any distance is created, physical or otherwise. This is generally a good sign that they are against your proposition.

However, the first no is generally them saying, "I don't know." If after this they still say no, then you can be confident they are actually saying no.

Second, autonomy is a human desire. Limit this, and people will feel threatened by you regardless of your intentions.

The world doesn't revolve around you, the world revolves around itself. You are merely a piece in the ever-moving existence known as the universe.

Existentialism aside, you can very easily earn respect from others simply by respecting this desire for autonomy. In fact, most modern human problems center around this very idea.

Rebellious teenagers? They want to explore and try new things. Concerned she'll never call back? Oh well, maybe she'll get back to you, but you have more important things to worry about.

A simpler way to put this is," MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS."  Your business is not the actions of others, your business is what you can contribute when they are facing the consequences.

Understand that everybody is the star of their own movie. They want to feel special in their experiences, not make you feel special in them.

Just as you can't make them feel special if you're making their choices for them, they also won't feel special if you're not there for them when they need you.

You cannot experience something for somebody else, you must let them experience it. If you don't allow this, you are robbing them of potential precious moments.

A World of Fantasy

There's no denying that we live in an era where emotions are sacred ground. It's looked down upon to even attempt anything that may upset someone.

This whole era starts with men's propensity toward idealism and romance. No matter how you spin it, men are, by default, more romantic and idealistic while women are more pragmatic.

To stay rooted in reality rather than ideals is, ironically, the ideal way to handle life as men. Reality contains all the information and resources to tackle our lives, but only if we stay rooted in it.

- Karl