Recently, I watched this video, and literally, the first 5 seconds hit me with this amazing wisdom. Too many people put so much effort trying to get what they want, they unintentionally avoid the easiest way to get it. The best way to get what you want is by deserving it.
Now, I didn't watch the whole video, but this phrase on its own contains so much power.
How many people do you know that want something but don't deserve it? I can say with confidence that there are many men these days who fit into this category. I used to be at the bottom of that barrel.
Rather than talk about the validity of this phrase, I'm going to talk about times in my life when I wasn't deserving of what I wanted and the lessons I learned from these times.
1. When I was completely out of shape
I'm like most guys these days; my physique started off in one of the camps of the worst male physique possible. In my case, I started off as skinny fat. I struggled for years before making progress. Little did I know that it was because I was going about it the wrong way.
When I started out, I wanted to obtain the ripped, shredded male physiques you see on Instagram. I wanted my body to finally not be pudgy and ugly.
I thought I'd be able to use a shortcut to obtain the body I wanted, but every shortcut I used only seemed to set me back.
I tried fasting, I tried high fat, and I tried paleo, but nothing worked. I made progress, sure, but not the progress I wanted.
It wasn't until I really dug deep into my research on nutrition and weightlifting that I finally started seeing the results that I wanted.
I was finally eating enough, alongside doing proper weightlifting.
I was using exercises that actually targeted the muscles I want to develop, rather than using whatever I learned in high school. I was also actually in a surplus for the first time, so I was finally able to put on some respectable mass.
I went from skinny fat to not-so-fat. That is to say, I wasn't skinny anymore. I was doing the things that would actually get me results, rather than trying to take a shortcut.
The first lesson I learned in deserving what you want is to avoid shortcuts.
2. When I had poor mental health
At least one person you know is suffering from poor mental health. This isn't speculation, it's a fact. I had poor mental health, and I didn't even realize it until I obtained better mental health. I tried a lot of things to try and improve my mental health, but all but one of those things failed.
All my life, I'd heard the hype about how doing the things you love will bring you good mental health. So, after I dropped out of college, that's exactly what I did.
I spent my days doing only the things I love. And I quickly came to hate it.
My mental health had been bad in college, but it actually got worse after dropping out. It made no sense to me since I was doing things that I love.
Then, I stumbled upon meditation and exercise. Out of pure boredom, I picked up exercise and that led me to pick up meditation shortly after.
At first, I didn't want anything to do with either of these things. I found them boring and a little tedious. However, after persevering through them for a while, I started to love doing them.
Exercise and meditation became a part of my routine, meditating daily and exercising 3 times a week, and I noticed massive improvements in my health.
The second lesson I learned is that, sometimes, the thing that you must do to be deserving is the thing you want to do the least.
3. When I had no social awareness
Do you know somebody who's socially awkward? I was one of those kids. Growing up, I had no social awareness when it came to social interaction. I had no idea how to start a conversation or keep one going. This really hurt since I thought I was at least a decent person. As I would learn, however, there's more to it than that.
I grew up in a catholic family, and one of the big values we were taught was that in order to be a good person, you must behave like a good catholic. So, that's exactly what I did. I behaved like a good catholic.
Because of how strictly this was enforced in my home, this led me to see everything through the lens of religion. Social interaction was no exception.
If somebody said something that went against the faith, I would chastise them for it. If they stopped talking to me because of that, I would complain. I had no idea that these things would push them away from me.
It wasn't until later that I learned about social interaction and communication. It's there that I learned just how much I was sabotaging my own relationships.
From that point onward, I started drawing wisdom and knowledge from multiple sources and viewpoints. I decided to expand my horizons as much as I could from the comfort of my own home. This led me to acquire a mountain of books.
From these books, I learned about all the things I did wrong. From what I learned, I put them to the test in my own life to see how I could make use of them.
Not only did I find the process fun, but my social interactions were getting progressively better. No longer was I the socially awkward kid I used to be.
For the first time in my life, I was an interesting conversationalist and could actually hold somebody's attention.
The third lesson I learned is that to be deserving of what you want, you must appeal to the audience; you must do what works, even if you have to swallow your pride.
The best way to become deserving is to know what you want
Of course, all of this is useless if you don't know what you want. And I don't just mean a vague idea like a hot girlfriend.
To become a truly focused man, you need to hash out the details of your desires. You must know enough to make a clear picture of what you want in your mind in order to pursue it.