In this day and age, it's all too common to see people who are absolute messes, both inside and outside. Because we live in an era of instant gratification, very few people are willing to take the time to clean their inner mess. They stick to the quick fixes that only really target the outside. In the words of Lee Sin from League of Legends, "Master Yourself, Master The Enemy."

If you've ever tried painting, the first tip a teacher gives you is to start from the center. If you start from the outside, things get complicated.

You work the same. If you do not address the inner conflict first, it will keep coming back to create more chaos in your perception of the world.

Take it upon yourself to master yourself so you aren't your own enemy. Here are three ways to do just that.

1. Delve into your shadow

The dark side is a very common concept in movies and media, but it isn't all that off the mark. Within each of us is a shadow, a dark side. If left unchecked, this shadow will dominate us from, well, the shadows. As long as the shadow is stronger than your mind, your actions aren't really your own.

The concept of the Shadow comes from Swiss Psychologist Carl Jung. Put simply, the shadow is the part of yourself that isn't exactly socially attractive so you stuff it away and keep it hidden.

Here's the problem: it's still part of you, and you want your needs met. Your shadow will get its needs met, whether you like it or not.

The trouble comes from the fact that it's hidden, not that it exists. Because it's hidden, it has no choice but to get its needs met covertly.

This can be in the form of outbursts, or in the form of addictions you can't put down despite your hardest efforts. This can be in the form of unexplainable negative behaviors, or in the form of unexplainable motivation.

Either way, these behaviors will be out of your control. As long as this persists, you will not be able to master yourself.

You must integrate your shadow to get rid of the negative effects. The way you integrate your shadow is by challenging your negative behaviors. 

Challenging your negative behaviors consists of asking why like an annoying child: you keep at it until you're satisfied with the answer you get. Start with why it happened, then why that motivated it, and why you have that motivation, so on and so forth.

Once you've challenged it, you must then find a way to integrate it. Every shadow trait consists of something you want.

Once you figure out what that specific shadow trait wants, find a way to integrate it that makes sense for you. 

If your shadow trait led you to porn addiction, one way to integrate could be sexual transmutation. If your shadow trait led you to be insecure about your body, one way to integrate could be working on your physique so you're proud of it.

Usually, letting a negative emotion stay out in the light will cause it to die. However, since these shadow traits are part of you, letting them die may not be the best course of action.

Sometimes it's best to let them die, sometimes it's not. It's your call, and it depends on your vision of yourself.

2. Have a clear vision of who you want to be

Have you ever tried going somewhere without a map? It's a lot harder to navigate without the proper tools. When it comes to self-mastery, having an idea of who you want to be is both your map and your compass. Without it, you will be lost no matter how much progress you make.

The reason why men these days get stuck is because they have no idea of who they want to be. Not only have they never thought about it, but they don't know where to begin.

This isn't surprising, considering that all their life every hard decision is pretty much made for them. If this describes you, there's no better time to turn things around.

You need to sit down with yourself and really dig. You need to find yourself so you can figure out who you want to be in the future.

Every journey has both a beginning and a destination. If you can't find a solid beginning for your journey, it becomes that much harder.

For this reason, you want to dig into yourself and figure out who you are now. Once you've figured this out, you can start making progress toward your destination. 

For your destination self, you want to think big. Don't think in terms of a few months or years, think in terms of decades.

Of course, break down those big dreams into smaller actionable goals. You don't want to overwhelm yourself.

What I'm saying here is to aim high and build up that staircase. As you go, you build each step toward your victory.

3. Give less Fucks

If I told you that the main deterrent for people achieving their goals is others, would you believe me? The fact is that modern people care too much about what others think. This is especially dangerous for men, as men are the trailblazers. It's okay to take the group's input into consideration, but at the end of the day, you have the final say over your own choices.

I've mentioned before that living somebody else's idea of your life will only lead you to misery. This is that idea, but we're going more into it.

To master yourself, you must be okay with what you yourself want. If you are constantly denying yourself for the sake of pleasing others, you will stay stuck.

This life is full of choices. You can choose who to please, but you cannot please everybody nobody how hard you try.

The first reason you need to choose to please yourself first is that it leads to confidence and higher self-esteem.

With both of these heightened, it becomes easier for you to pursue your goals. The biggest motivator for accomplishing your goals is belief, and you must cultivate belief through your actions.

The second, and arguably more important, reason to choose yourself over others is that nobody will care for your decision once you've made it.

The game doesn't run off of gratitude. Once you've done a favor for somebody, it holds no more power and influence.

They will not remember the sacrifice you made for them because, at the end of the day, you chose to make it. Will you allow yourself to make that decision, or will you choose what's best for you?

You are your best friend and worst enemy

Depending on your relationship with yourself, you are either your best friend, worst enemy, or both. Hopefully, you know which one you have.

Regardless of which one you have, this advice is meant to steer you toward becoming best friends with yourself. This kind of relationship will lead you to greater authenticity and better quality of life overall.

It all begins with an effort and a choice. So, start taking the time to master yourself so you don't become your own enemy.

- Karl