Typically, when we run into problems we view the cause as part of the issue. For smaller issues, this works swimmingly. However, for bigger issues like getting over an addiction, this can actually backfire. Most people don't understand why seeing the problem as a problem is problematic. We'll be discussing this today.

Today's points of discussion are:

• Stacking stigma works against you
• You're muddying the waters 
• Holding on for dear life

Problematic people

This topic will apply to you. We all have problems and we all stumble. This post is meant to be a discussion on how to minimize the stumbling rather than a chastising of imperfection.

If you've ever struggled with letting go of those habits you no longer wish to have, then this will be even more relevant to you. 

Stigma stacking works against you

Being raised catholic, I had always struggled with sexuality. Because I was raised in such a repressive environment, I had no idea how to handle it when my urges became too much. I'd give in to my urges, then guilt-trip myself into feeling terrible because I did something that I saw as problematic. This was a vicious cycle.

When we give certain topics the tag of taboo, we need to be very careful of which ones we pick. Depending on which are chosen, it can make or break your life.

In many cultures around the world, certain topics are given the title of taboo as a means to stop people from discussing them. On paper, this is a means to prevent something bad from happening.

While the intentions tend to be good, in reality this only serves to do more harm in the long run. This is the first reason seeing the problem as a problem is problematic.

Most people's reaction to a problem is to address what's in front of them. They hear about a school shooting and resolve that the authorities should get involved and that gun laws should become stricter.

This will only serve as a band-aid fix at best and stop nothing at worst. Very rarely does outlawing something make the problem go away.

In fact, there's a prime example of that here in Canada: marijuana. 

On October 17, 2018, the regulated and restricted access to cannabis is Canada was legalized. Additionally, adults can possess up to 30 grams of legally produced cannabis and can grow up to four cannabis plants per household.

Are there still incidents pertaining to marijuana in Canada? Yes. Do they blow up the news as much as before? Not even close.

Here's another example: left-handed people.

Before, left-handed people were considered the servants of the devil because of a line in the bible that says that Jesus sits at the "right hand of God". Left-handed people were forbidden from using their dominant hand for things that right-handed people use their right hand for.

After studies came out showing that left-handedness was as natural as the existence of different eye colors, left-handedness became normalized in society. It's no longer viewed as an issue for the vast majority of people.

When we attach the tag of taboo to certain things, we are subconsciously telling ourselves and others to avoid it all costs. The problems arise when we are already involved with those "taboo" topics.

 Rather than attaching this tag to your problems, seek to normalize it while alienating the extremes. Every problem has a very humane cause; calling it taboo is basically calling that humane part taboo.

The problem of muddying the waters

I remember being raised to believe in a very objective view of good and evil. I won't bore you with the details, but it basically boiled down to God and church good, Satan bad. At the time I saw no problems with this view. Now, I see just how blind someone can be when they think this way.

It's one thing to not want something, it's another to denounce it entirely. When we label something as taboo, we are essentially denouncing it from ourselves.

For certain things, such as mass genocide and infidelity, the tag of taboo makes sense. We would not wish those things to happen to us, so why wish it upon someone else?

However, for the vast majority of things in life, the tag is simply unnecessary. To call these things taboo is like calling a domesticated dog a vicious killer hunter.

When we choose to see the problem as a problem, we run into the problematic problem of tunnel vision. We get so focused on one part that all the others become blurry.

Going back to my old view of good and evil, I used to agree with the catholic faith's view of topics like pre-marital sex or getting an abortion. I held the view that these were bad and there was no wiggle room for them.

Now, I see the nuance and grey area. It's not as simple as saying it's a good thing or a bad thing because our lives are all different.

In order to find a way past your problems, you need to clear out the way first. Too many of us fog up the path because it's easier to wander in and pray you find your way compared to clearing the fog then taking the road.

By taking the time to clear the fog and see the road, you find a way forward out of the mist.

Holding on for dear life to the wrong stuff

Growing up, I had a hot rod t-shirt that I loved wearing. I loved it so much that I'd go to sleep in it and never take it off. My parents had to buy me a second one so they could wash the first one. While I do think this is more of a precious type of holding on, the same kind of clinging can be seen with those who are perpetually perturbed by problems.

It's no secret that we hold on to the things that are important to us. If we don't, we could possibly lose them forever.

However, sometimes we hold onto the wrong things or the wrong part of a thing. And yes, we're all guilty of doing this at least once.

If you pay close enough attention to your problems, you'll notice that the ones that seemingly never go away are the ones you are holding onto the hardest. And, you're holding on not for the reason you think you are.

See, the problems we face that are the hardest to let go of are the ones that are trying to tell us something. These problems almost always are our bodies trying to communicate to us that we're missing something in life.

Take porn addiction for example. People watch porn because they're horny and want to have fulfilling sex and/or intimacy. 

If you then call the porn addiction the problem, you are calling the desire for a fulfilling sex life problematic as well. This is the big reason why seeing the problem as a problem is problematic.

Most problems in our lives stem from something we want because we aren't getting it. And the worst part of this is the mind doesn't care how you get that desire fulfilled.

If that means that your mind makes you watch porn, it'll make you watch porn obsessively. If that means that your mind makes you sleep with a new partner every day, you'll be hitting up different venues every night.

To then see these behaviors as the problem is missing the forest for the trees. The behavior is not the problem, the behavior is a symptom of a deeper desire.

When we attach the tag of taboo to the behaviors that stem from our deeper desires, we are inadvertently calling our deeper desires taboo. This is why those bad habits will always come back.

To finally rid yourself of the cycle of relapse and regret, you need to start understanding your deeper desires and find healthy ways of satisfying them. Only then will you be able to kick the can into the recycling rather than down the road.

Conditioned to see problems everywhere

A good chunk of people are conditioned to see problems in almost everything. They are raised in a way that makes them so insecure that any problem is an afront to the fragile peace they have.

These people perpetually find themselves dealing with problems because they never do the deep dive to find the causes and only ever tackle the surface level. Instead of uprooting the weeds, they snip the flower.

To truly rid yourself of problems, you need to understand where they come from so you can see what part is actually problematic if any. Only once you've found those unwanted aspects can you attach labels and find the way forward.

- Karl