This will sound very ridiculous, but it's something that is very true. You are who you presently are, and many people don't actually realize this. They behave in ways that show they see themselves as what they have or who they associate with. These are the same people who are endlessly following the newest fads or pursuing elusive means of pleasure. In order to break away from this mindset, you need to look within.

Now, this process isn't easy but it's well worth the effort required. After all, we're talking about reconnecting with who you are.

As mentioned, many people associate their identity with what they have or who they associate with. This is a behavior that is validation seeking, where you are hoping to impress others.

The sooner you can realize you are who you presently are and nothing more or less, the sooner you can become fully authentic. Here are two things you can do to make progress on this.

1. Own up to your desires

Too many men these days are way too scared to embrace their desires. They're scared of judgment from others who don't approve. This is the root of not being able to be who you are. In order to make a change, you must first own up to your desires.

Now, this isn't to say that you need to become totally selfish. This is to say that you shouldn't sacrifice what you want for the sake of keeping the peace.

The reason for this is simple: you don't want to be a pushover. Only pushovers allow themselves to be trampled over by others.

To be a man, you need the courage to stand up for what you want. If you cannot be courageous in this regard, you will never get what you want and you are not a man.

Getting what you want is important. Your desires represent who you are at your core. To deny your desires is to deny the core of your being.

As an example, a lot of men these days suppress their desire for a satisfactory sex life because society tells them it's wrong.

So, a lot of men hide it. This leads to resentment if they end up in a relationship, and ultimately leads to divorce or a break-up. 

If, however, a man were to embrace his desire for sex in a non-needy, non-forceful way, he will find a way to get what he wants that works for everybody. Well, everybody that approves of him.

By taking calculated, reasonable action to get what he desires, he gets it without anybody having to get hurt.

For this reason, it is vitally important that men know what they want. The more direction you have in regard to what you want in life, the clearer the path to your core becomes.

2. Disassociate from distractions

There are so many things in this era that are designed to be literal time wasters. I would know, I'm guilty of overusing them in the past. These time wasters, however, are not the only things that can distract you. There are so many different things that can throw you off course without you noticing, it's better that you disassociate from them once you've identified them.

Let's first make an important disclaimer. There's nothing wrong with having something that helps you relax, but when it takes too much from you, that's when it goes too far.

A distraction can be anything that doesn't serve your goals, whether it be other people or a material object like a phone. Either way, these are doing something to throw you off.

In the case of other people, peer pressure or something like it is being used to make you comply with whatever rules are thrown at you. 

At school, you want to fit in with the other kids. They behave a certain way so you copy it, even if it isn't who you authentically are.

In Catholicism, the religion I grew up in, I was forced to follow the rules out of fear of what my parents would do to me if I didn't. This led me to have anxiety issues and being socially awkward.

When people associate with material objects, they are using them as proxies for their value. They intend to show others how amazing they are through their stuff.

This is why you see people buy things that belong to a lifestyle they can't afford. The fancy cars, the expensive house, expensive clothes, whatever it may be.

They want to hide who they are because they believe that who they are isn't worthy of attention. And they believe this because who they are has been denied and rejected from a young age.

If the damage has been done, unfortunately, there is no changing it. There is only accepting it and taking the time to heal.

Disassociating from distractions means nothing if you cannot accept who you are. For this reason, you must delve into the depths and catch glimpses of who you are before you can really accept the core of your being.

In this healing process, you open yourself up to be embraced and accepted once more. The first and foremost person who needs to accept you is you.

Pick up all the lost pieces

Modern people are fragmented. That is to say, they are not whole because they have split off the parts of themselves they were led to believe are unacceptable.

This is no way to live. In order to live a fulfilling life, you need to be united with every piece of you, the good, bad, and ugly.

Over time, however, each piece finds its home in you. One by one, the puzzle is pieced back together until you get a complete picture of who you are.

Remember, identity is ever changing so get too attached to any one identity. The core of who you are is the only constant in your life, so take it upon yourself to become acquainted with it.

- Karl