In this world, the only thing you can control is yourself. Doesn't matter how hard you try, you cannot control others and their actions. Despite this, too many people still try to control others. Do yourself and drill this into your head: you can only control yourself.

It is an instinctual human desire to be autonomous. That is to say, we want to have control over our decisions.

When someone then comes along trying to force us into a decision we don't want to make, we raise our guard. The worst part is it's super hard to explain why we become so defensive in these scenarios.

Let it be known that human autonomy is important to getting along well with others. Here are the four biggest benefits when you wrap your head around the idea that you can only control yourself.

1. Less stress

Take a moment to think about those who are constantly stressed out. You'll notice that they stress over things that they don't need to. These people are the prime example of what happens when you don't keep your control to only yourself. By limiting your control to only yourself, you are making life less stressful.

This concept of limiting your worries to only the outcomes you can control is nothing new. In fact, it is the root of stoicism. 

The whole idea of not worrying about outcomes that are outside of your agency is how the stoics became stoic. 

As humans, we have a desire to control as much of our environment as possible. This leads us to do things that are questionable.

For those in relationships, it leads to actions that destroy them. For those in business, it leads to actions that drive away customers.

Many people think that there are only two options when it comes to outcomes: I win or you win. In reality, there are two more: we both win or we both lose.

In order to stop worrying about outcomes you can't control, you must go for the second set of options. You must always push for a win-win, or take the lose-lose.

As a human being, you have the right to your own choices. If they can't respect your decision, you have the right to walk away.

2. More efficiency

Just think of all the time you could save if you didn't stress over unnecessary things. If your decisions revolved only around things that are within your scope of autonomy. Many people these days make too many choices waiting on the input of others. This leads to much time being wasted and a lot of lost efficiency.

Too much time is wasted worrying and thinking about things that aren't necessary. And yet, we do it all the time almost every day.

Just like with stress, we waste so much time worrying about outcomes that we have no control over. Even though we humans have the desire to control our environment, this doesn't mean we can't overcome our base instincts.

All this wasted time comes from worrying about those things that aren't within our agency. We worry about things that are unknown.

We worry because we don't know what will happen, but therein lies freedom. 

Would you rather stay in a bad situation that will stay bad, or take that risk of venturing into the unknown and potentially make things better?

You don't know what will happen with the unknown, which is exactly why you shouldn't worry about it. You can't predict what will happen, so it's better to just let go.

When you let go, you open yourself up to the possibilities that are present. By worrying only about that which is in your control, you can focus more on what happens in front of you.

3. More fun

Can you believe that life is more fun when you're not as stressed? Crazy, I know, but it seems that a lot of people these days don't realize this. When you stop worrying about things outside of your control, life becomes so much more enjoyable because you get to focus on the fun moment right in front of you.

If you look at the people who really enjoy life, you'll notice that they're more carefree compared to most people. They don't really stress over things, and this allows them to enjoy the moment as it happens.

This isn't to say that these people are irresponsible. In fact, it tends to be the opposite: these people are very responsible, they just know how to fully relax from their responsibilities.

When you worry about those things you can't control, you are ruining the fun of life for yourself. 

You don't know how those things will end up, so why worry about them? It's pointless to waste your energy like that.

When you allow yourself to only worry about those things within your scope, you can more easily relax and enjoy the present moment.

A very good example of this is high school students overstressing about test results. The test comes back and they got five questions wrong out of 35.

They did very well, and they still beat themselves up about it. Having been there myself, I know that it's not good for your mental health.

Rather than stress out in these scenarios, you need to learn to let go. What's done is done, now it's time to relax and enjoy the rest of the day.

4. Better relationships

Here's a big tip for you: never try to convince somebody of something they are against. It's a waste of time and all you'll do is make yourselves more frustrated. Their choice is not in your control, so don't even try to control it. When you do this, you will have much better relationships.

As mentioned before, we humans have the desire to be autonomous. We want to be able to make our own choices of our own volition.

Take a moment to think of any horrible relationships you may have encountered, whether your own relationships or somebody else's. Chances are that one or both of the people are trying to control the other.

If you want to sell your product, you must appeal to the customer even if it means they don't end up buying. So many people these days instead opt to appeal to the merchant and wonder why nobody wants to buy from them.

At the end of the day, we want things from and with other people. We want to go to places, we want to hear them say certain things, or we want to have a certain experience with them.

None of this will happen if you don't appeal to their favor and goodwill. Of the things you must appeal to, human autonomy is fundamental.

The reason why so many are unable to do this is because they are unwilling to accept a lose-lose or go for a win-win. They try to convince the other person to do something that they want but the other person doesn't want.

If you manage to convince someone into a lose-win, they will start to resent you. Once resentment starts to build, that's when the relationship starts to dissolve.

Understand that your aim is to go for win-win or lose-lose. If both people can't be happy about it, then there's no reason to push for it.

It's not worth it to get what you want if it ruins the relationship you have with them. Remember that it's always possible to find a solution where both people are happy.

We've all got our choices

At the end of the day, you have your own choices and they have theirs. Just because you don't get what you want doesn't mean you have to acquiesce to their desires.

If you put in the effort and don't get the outcome you want from others, you have every choice to leave. If you put in the effort and don't get the result you want from a project, you have every right to be disappointed.

What matters most isn't the outcome, but how you handle it. We've all got our choices to make, and the best way to make them is within the scope of your control.

- Karl